Sorry at times

Even when people speak the truth, they sometimes tend to feel sorry for some people and i am no different! And what exactly am i feeling sorry about?.. its just the way i approached her in my story.. I heard from her friend that it literally pissed her off.... but pissed off with me? a month or so ago, it would have been virtually impossible for her to get pissed off with me.. but the way things are at present, it isn't exactly a big surprise! But i feel sorry for hurting her though it was she who was bossing me around treating me badly. I have a couple of friends.. really close to my heart, who have been trying to help me all along and they know her quite well too. They felt no different! Its become a common feeling that what she is doing is unacceptable, she isn't exactly treating me the way i deserve to be treated.. Why didn't she even bother to listen to me! She knows me only too well.. she knows that i'd never influence her to change her decisions! If she has to do something, it has to be out of her own will and not someones compulsion.. i've said that to her for months but yet she doesn't want to talk to me?.. Its getting a bit crazy out here.. Unnecessary complications in what should have been handled gently! Her perspective perplexes me! But i want to think about it all.. Y would a girl so dedicated and sincere.. so very loving, change so drastically in such a short period of time that she wouldn't even bother about the one she loved so very deeply! Its all confusing.. resulting in great trauma..!

Maybe she has gone through so much things in life, agonizing things that she doesn't want it to happen to her anymore? Or does she think that what she has done all along is so very wrong that she wants to change totally and forget someone? Or is it just a small realization that i can wait but not her education? Well, i would like to ponder upon all the possible causes..!

Onto the story now...
It was October 07 and her dad had found out about what was happening.. he had trusted her so much in life, got her what ever she had asked for in life, treated her so very nicely and it was definitely a blow for him to know things through someone else and not his own daughter. He is a genuine father wanting the best for his child.. but did he know what she felt about him? He was the world to her, did he even know that? She had great regards for him.. She has rather.. The bond they share is unbreakable but yet, at times, the feeling of betrayal can bring about extreme sorrow in your heart and maybe thats what shook him so much! He had talked to me, explained things to me politely.Not many people in this world deal with such things in such a way.. But he did.. he didn't take things to my parents and I have to be grateful to him for that.. But then a few weeks pass by and he discovers that people haven't kept their promises.. Though maybe he never knew that they were doing their best to keep it up! We knew we were breaking our promise and we did our best to give things a break, but even then.. we loved each other so dearly.. Her mother doubted her.. and that was agonizing for this little girl! Even when we had not been in touch, someone was passing false information and her mum suspected her. When people suspect you.. how can u take it! that too, it being your mother! Thats exactly what happened to her.. She was hit by all that was happening around her! And sometimes she risked things and it got us into further trouble. I don't wanna mention what exactly happened but she took a risk and that created an evidence to her parents that the two of us were still in touch! And we didn't know that her parents knew.. And when I got to know that, I decided to take action.. Well.. what can i really do? I am on the receiving end of things and maybe taking action is just not the right word here. Anyway, i knew that unless her dad believed that we were keeping up our promises, it would be bad for me because he was certain to take things to my parents and i didn't want that to happen because i knew that it would in a great way affect my life and my goals! thats why i decided to admit to him that we had betrayed his trust, we had been in touch. I had to apologize to him and hence i did! And i told him that it wouldn't happen again..! I explained things to ad as well because i owed her an explanation to everything! I had talked to her dad without asking her permission and hence i explained things to her and i told her that we had to concentrate on life and do our best to stay out of touch, but i told her that i loved he so much and that i would get back to her when i had to! She took it in great spirit! I never expected her to! But she was such a sport! She said that what i had told her made great sense and she understood! She told me that she would be there for me no matter what! But she used to message me once in while updating me about things and life and rarely we had a chat when we ended up being online at the same time.. It was going good.. And i was very hopeful.. February arrived and the precious day arrived.. her birthday.. I wasn't even able to wish her directly on her birthday because we didn't wanna risk things but i made sure that she got my card that i made on my own. She was too happy about it! She said that it made her birthday special! And i was really happy.. then things changed.. in just a few days.. around the 17th i guess.. her dad returned to chennai for good, transferred..! and i got a message just a few days later.. she had told her dad all her passwords and stuff.. she didn't wanna give room for suspicions.. she told me that it ain't worth the risk anymore and that we would make it if god willed! It wasn't hard on me, i took things well and i knew that she was being sensible but what happened after that in the past few weeks is what has shaken me so much! She deleted me from her orkut friend's list, ignored me on her yahoo messenger. She started ignoring me! But why! Just a few weeks ago you had given me hope about the future.. and now here you are.. trying to get away from me! What happened!?? Have you suffered so much in life because of this relationship? I know that you can never hate me because i have never been bad to you.. but then what made u make such decisions?? I am not selfish but yea! I Need You! and badly..! thats what love is all about! Its such an intense feeling.. You told me that u lost all hope! Y! Is it because you were so hurt by what you had to go through? Everyone was and have been against it.. So what! y should u lose hope! if u were honest... hardworking.. things will always go right! I don't understand how frustration about the past can make u get over me!

Or what if you have suddenly started to feel that you had been in a wrong relationship with the wrong guy at the wrong age.. As far as i have learned, somethings happen and they don't have a reason.. and i don't think that you would feel that I was just the wrong guy and it was just a bad dream because i only know you too well! But then we have to explore the one last possibility!

This last possibility may be the one with the least possibility because you made it clear to me that you don't want to promise me anything. But anyway.. the last possibility being.. you to have realized that i can wait but not education, Well i would prefer this to be true!.. I would be only too glad if you had told me that your education was your priority along with your parents! You could have told me to wait! I asked you "can u give me an assurance for the future?" But you didn't want to! Did You! That hurt me! Whether you had given me an assurance or not, i would have done my best! I would have proved myself and approached you at some point of life.. but when there isn't any assurance, what if i do everything in life for you, prove myself, make my parents proud and in the end when i make it to you, you aren't there for me.. I can never take it if that happens! And thats why i still hope that you will change back to how you were a month ago! You don't know how hurting it is to see u message so many people.. some of them being the ones who have irritated you so often.. and u don't message me! I deserve more than these people don't i! I deserve it! and i am waiting! Please change your attitude and get back to me! I still will say the same! I don't need anything else from you! All i need is that little assurance which i really deserve because you mean the world to me!